What If I’m Not Ready?

Before I had kids, I always knew I wanted to breastfeed.  For some reason, I had it in my mind that it would be easy.  It’s natural.  It’s what our breast’s are for.  So how could it possibly be difficult?

Ha!  How adorable and naive I was.

I also always said I would only do it for a year.


In fact, I used to say a lot of things regarding breastfeeding.

“I don’t want my kid to be able to ask for it!”

They may not be able to talk, but at six months, kids know how to “ask for it.”

“I don’t want my kid to be walking when they’re still breastfeeding!”

Kids start walking at different times.  My daughter was walking around 10 months.

“I don’t want my kid to be able to pull down my shirt and help themself!”

Most babies can pull at things by five months-and they figure out real quick where the food comes from.

Now, we’re at fourteen months and still going. I don’t know if it’s because I was cheated out of a nursing experience with my daughter, (she went on a nursing strike at 2 months), or what, but I’m not ready to stop breastfeeding my son.

I think he has other plans. I feel as if it will soon be over and it makes me sad. Just the other day he wanted his sippy cup instead of milk from mama.


So it has begun. He’s eating a lot more solid foods, and breastfeeding about half as much as he used to.

Sure I’ll have more freedom. I won’t have to pump before bed anymore, (YESSSS!!!), but I also won’t get the special bonding time that is just me and my son. The bonding is the best, but it’s also some forced relax time for me. I can’t do anything, but just sit there and admire the little being I created, (enter eye roll, I know).

I am the ONLY person that is providing milk for him. It has all the nutrients he needs, and that makes me feel pretty important. And very soon, that will come to an end.

The best I can do is go with the flow and try to follow his lead. It’s difficult because it feels like he was just my little infant that needs me every second. But I need to accept that he is now an active toddler with his own ideas.


It’s amazing to watch as he grows and changes every single day. This is just another one of those changes. A milestone, I guess you could say. My baby is growing up already, I suppose it’s time to start saving for his first car.

Have your kids hit any milestones too soon (for you)?

For more breastfeeding stories, visit Zena’s Suitcase by clicking below.

Zena's Suitcase


September 8, 2014
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  • Reply melissajane01

    So cute! Breastfeeding is a great bonding time.

    September 9, 2014 at 11:10 am
  • Reply Homemade Experience

    It’s so true! I was naive the first time around as well; little did I know how difficult it would be at first. I really think if more moms were prepared for that more would stick with it.

    September 9, 2014 at 12:46 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Absolutely! I was not prepared at all. It was so rough at first!

      September 9, 2014 at 12:48 pm
  • Reply LP

    One of my major milestones as a mom was when, one evening, while I was innocently working at my library job, I received an email (on my work email, mind you), from MY baby…announcing that he was getting married…to someone I didn’t even know he was dating…Was I ready…NO…but was out of my control and, as you know, it turned out wonderful. I wonder if your baby boy will do that to you some day –

    September 9, 2014 at 6:45 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      OMG, you got me! I didn’t know it was you until halfway through! Lol! I still can’t believe he did that! You love me now, right?…

      September 9, 2014 at 6:59 pm
  • Reply Sasha

    Haha, the things we swear we will never do BEFORE we have children! 🙂 I breastfed my son up till fourteen months. He had six teeth come in at the same time and simply found himself in too much pain to want to nurse any longer. I was quite broken about it and mourned the “end” of the baby stage. It is nice, however, to not have to ever worry about rushing back home or finding some place to go when out in public. Also, the uninhibited wine and sushi are a plus! 🙂

    I do hope, however, he keeps on if this is what you still want.

    September 9, 2014 at 8:00 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Six at once?! Poor thing! I know whenever it does happen I will have a mourning period as well. However, wine and sushi sounds excellent right now!

      September 9, 2014 at 8:08 pm
  • Reply andthreetogo

    I said all those things and ended up breast feeding Z until she was 2 and 2 days. I was really ready though. 🙂

    September 9, 2014 at 8:22 pm
    • Reply andthreetogo

      To stop I mean.

      September 9, 2014 at 8:22 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Hahaha! I wouldn’t mind going to 2, but I think I’ll be lucky if we make it to 18 months.

      September 9, 2014 at 8:34 pm
  • Reply Jamie

    Your little man is a doll!! It’s great to read that so many of us have the same perceptions about breastfeeding/parenting only to find out that nothing goes anything like we expect! I’m a first timer to an 8th month old and even what I’ve learned from him will probably be null and void should I be so blessed to have another!

    September 10, 2014 at 1:42 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Thank you! It is so funny how different each kid is! Probably better that way, otherwise life would be boring. Haha!!

      September 10, 2014 at 2:01 pm
  • Reply Casey

    I was totally naive about breastfeeding too and couldn’t believe how much harder (and PAINFUL) it was than I expected. Congrats to you on making it 14 months and then some. Really interesting to read how different your children were… as I am about to welcome another in a couple weeks & am nervous to start the breastfeeding struggles all over again (but maybe this time it’ll be easier? haha).

    September 10, 2014 at 2:38 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Yes! So painful! The first six weeks for me were awful-I’m surprised I made it through. I bet your second time through will be easier. My oldest and I had struggles for a few different reasons, (I had to use a shield, for one.) And, yes, every child is so different. Congratulations on your upcoming arrival!!

      September 10, 2014 at 2:46 pm
  • Reply threeboysandamom

    Love this…I’m working on a breastfeeding post right now! Good for you going so long and I hope he keeps going for you. My little dude is 10 months and I see no end any time soon, at least I hope not.

    September 10, 2014 at 9:25 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Thanks! I have never been able to multitask while nursing-I think I’m too awkward. Once I saw a woman walking around at the zoo while nursing. I can’t even imagine standing-I have to have to be in a chair. Haha! I can’t wait to read your breastfeeding post!

      September 10, 2014 at 9:54 pm
      • Reply threeboysandamom

        Aww haha Thank you! I’m excited for it once I find some time to write it lol. And yes, I’d rather sit too, but sometimes there’s no options. I’ve breastfed in about every public place possible…while walking around Sam’s, at the zoo, etc… and of course while chasing toddlers. Fun stuff ☺ it takes some of the sweetness of the moment away for sure haha

        September 10, 2014 at 10:08 pm
  • Reply zofloya11

    It is amazing how things change, I am feeding my daughter a lot longer than I planned, and I am now hoping to follow her lead. I feel a lot of the same things you have written, it’s so strange feeling excited that they are meeting a milestone but also sad that it means a change in your relationship etc.

    September 11, 2014 at 2:04 am
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Exciting and sad. Exactly!!

      September 11, 2014 at 7:07 am
  • Reply Ickle Pickle (@IcklePicklex)

    Mummy couldn’t breastfeed me, but we haven’t missed out on any bonding or special time whatsoever. Enjoy your special time, as, like everything, it will soon be over 🙁 xx

    September 16, 2014 at 12:26 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      You’re right, it is definitely almost over. My daughter didn’t breastfeed and we certainly found other ways to bond too. Thank you for your comment!

      September 16, 2014 at 12:41 pm
  • Reply The Train Driver's Wife

    This is lovely. I couldn’t breastfed Buddy for a multitude of reasons, we expressed for as long as I could keep it up but the poor little guy couldn’t keep it down and lost so much weight!
    I wish we had this special experience and I hope to have it with our next one.

    September 16, 2014 at 12:45 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Thank you! I’m sorry it didn’t work out with your little one, I know how frustrating that can be. (My oldest didn’t nurse either.) Every child is different, with your next one, you may be in the same boat as me at 14 months old. Thank you for stopping by!

      September 16, 2014 at 12:54 pm
      • Reply The Train Driver's Wife

        I really hope so! I was so determined but maybe one day! Cherish these moments!

        September 16, 2014 at 1:49 pm
  • Reply kincanthomas

    I was meant to read this today! Thanks for sharing. My son is almost a year and he is still breastfeeding but know that time is drawing near that it will be less & less. It’s so bittersweet!

    September 16, 2014 at 3:08 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Sure! Yes, bittersweet is the perfect word for it!

      September 16, 2014 at 3:10 pm
  • Reply Naomi

    It’s breaking my heart, but right now the milestone she’s working on is being at school without me (she’s four years old). She’s gotten to where she doesn’t cry every day, and she’s happy to go in the mornings. Yesterday, as I was giving her a good-bye kiss (and one to hold in her hand for when she missed me), she started pushing me away so she could go play with her friend before class started.

    Even though we quit breastfeeding at 20 months, she still knows what boobies are for. Her face lights up whenever she catches me nude, and she has to come over and talk about my nipples.

    September 17, 2014 at 5:43 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Oh, man! I’m going to cry when my daughter starts school (she’s 3). They grow so fast!!
      That’s so cute she wants to discuss body parts. My daughter does the same, she’s always telling me that her baby bro has a penis and she has an “eingina.”

      September 17, 2014 at 6:53 pm
  • Reply Zena's Suitcase (@zenas_suitcase)

    Such a lovely post. There are some positives to the breastfeeding journey coming to an end, but 14 months is still so young too. I hope he does just quit on you just yet! He’s such an adorable little chap too. My first BF child is nearly 17 and going to parties and not sharing his life with me (just cos I’m far too nosey I think). He has grown up, he is preparing to fly the nest and there’s no getting him to hang on to those apron strings 🙁 Thanks so much for sharing with #BFingDiaries and your on going support Zx

    September 21, 2014 at 2:22 pm
    • Reply mamabyfire

      Thank you! He’s been sick yesterday and today so he’s been back to it more than ever. At this point, I think I’ll get a few more months out of him.

      September 21, 2014 at 3:14 pm
  • Reply Mama By Fire - Breastfeeding Tips for the New Nursing Mama - Mama By Fire

    […] What If I’m Not Ready?-Coming to grips with the end being in sight… […]

    June 20, 2017 at 5:22 pm
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