There are things I hoped I would never have to deal with in my life. I always knew I wanted kids, so sleep loss and playing with baby poop was a given.
But there are some things my kids enjoy, personality traits they’ve developed, and issues as a parent I really thought I would be able to avoid.
Barney came about right after I was “Barney age.” He’s the guy my younger cousins watched and idolized. I was convinced that he would be a distant memory by the time I was old enough to have kids.
Enter YouTube and somehow the tone-deaf purple dinosaur is still popular. With new shows. The three year old was hard core obsessed, but it only lasted a year. I say “only” because it’s over now. If we were still in the midst of that phase I wouldn’t be talking about it so lightly.
Now all I have to do is hide him from the baby and I will be rid of him forever.
2. Sneaky, conniving “Threenager”
I had never heard the term “Threenager” until recently.
Unfortunately, it describes perfectly the
girl kid that knows what she they want and how she’s they’re going to get it. And I’m always a sucker.
I thought I would be tougher than that. Smarter than that.
Smarter than a three year old.
3. Picky Eater
My kid will eat what I give them! I will start them off with healthy eating and that will be all they know….and love!
What I didn’t count on was how much of a bitch people think you are when you don’t want your kids to have sugar. We limit their intake for sure, but it’s impossible to completely avoid it.
I’m certain though, that the first time either of my kids taste soda it will be at a sleep-over, because it certainly won’t be at my house (can you see my nose in the air from where you are?)
We let my daughter taste some V-8 out of the can once and told her it was soda, so I think we’re good for a bit.
4. Sibling Rivalry
My brother, sister, and I never fought growing up. We were the family that our friends’ parents asked them, “why can’t you be more like them?”
I have no idea how my parents lucked out, but we honestly never fought.
My friends and their siblings did. Some of them would have screaming fights, which can be quite a shock to a girl whose family resembles The Brady Bunch.
My kids get along…about half the time. And unfortunately (or fortunately), my little guy is learning how to push back.
5. Lose Friends
Ok, maybe that’s a bit dramatic. I haven’t “lost” any friends. But some of my closest friends don’t have kids, so we rarely see each other. Not for lack of trying. It just happens that life, kids, and nap times get in the way.
Don’t worry! We’ll get to hang out past 8 pm in ten years. Does that work for you?
6. Permanent Messy House
You never think it’s going to happen to you. You visit a house infested with kids and you’re disgusted by the dirty floor and the toys strewn everywhere.
“My house will never be like this.” You think repeatedly the entire time you’re there.
News flash. There aren’t enough hours in the day to cook, clean, and keep tiny little humans alive. Are you going to vacuum today or take a shower? You can’t do both.
7. Mommy Brain
It was the first thing I heard about when I was pregnant. “Oh, do you have preggo brain?”
What?! Seriously?! That’s just a thing made up by women so they have an easy, go-to excuse for everything.
Well, let me tell you. It exists. I’m proof. I thought it was all in their head. (I suppose it sort of is.) But, the struggle is real. I forgot things constantly. Did I take my vitamins yet today? Did I already eat lunch? Did I shower yesterday or do I need to take one today?
It just got worse once the kids were born. I have a really hard time expressing myself now a days. There’s a reason my preferred method of communication is through texting and Facebook. I forget words, and fumble over my sentences. Daily.
Any hopes for giving eloquent speeches in my future have been squashed. So don’t ask me to speak at your wedding, that ship has sailed.
I have most certainly missed some. What are some things you thought you wouldn’t have to deal with?