Finding a New Motivation to Lose Weight

**This is an extremely personal post specific to me. I understand everyone has different challenges, physical or otherwise.

Lately, I’ve had a hard time finding motivation to lose weight.

No matter how much I lose, no matter how fit I am, and no matter my dress size, I will never look good in clothes. And while we’re at it, I will never feel good in clothes either.

Every time I am determined and say, ‘This is it, I’m going to stick with it and lose the weight,’ I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think, ‘why does it matter? I will never be able to wear a cute top without anyone seeing me.’

I’ve had scoliosis since I was eleven. Severe scoliosis.

Any ounce of self esteem I have or have had regarding my physical appearance has been hard earned.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable in your body? Perhaps your clothes don’t fit right in a certain area, or maybe you’re so tired, you feel like you’re jumping out of your skin.

That is how I feel in my body 24/7. I’m crooked. I can tell. It feels wrong and awkward.

When I wear a tank top around people that don’t know me well enough to ask, I can feel the question on the tip of their tongue. “What’s wrong with your back?”

It’s innocent. They aren’t trying to be rude. And usually it doesn’t bother me. In fact, I’d rather they ask instead of feeling like there is something lingering over our heads. I can still hate that the question is there.

But that’s my issue. It’s all in my head. Nobody cares how I look. When they want to ask, it’s either out of curiosity or concern, not because they think less of me.

So now I need to grab a hold of the right reasons to lose weight.

For me, it’s not to look better on the outside. And it’s certainly not so I can “get away” with wearing cuter clothes.

It’s to be healthy. To set a good example for my kids. And, honestly, a stronger core is exactly what my back needs.

I have found a new motivation to lose weight, and it has nothing to do with my appearance!

This is my attempt to ditch the ridiculous excuse I’ve been leaning on to continue eating poorly and skipping out on exercising everyday.

No excuse is good enough to compromise your health.

What is your motivation to lose weight? Please feel free to share your thoughts on this post in the comments. Thank you so much for reading!

August 12, 2016
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19 Comments

  • Reply Jules Ruud

    You’ve got this! I believe in you and while I find you stunning, I can relate to the feeling of being uncomfortable in your own skin. I admire you for opening up and sharing this, I know it wasn’t easy. You’re amazing. ❤️

    August 12, 2016 at 9:31 am
    • Reply Tarynn Playle

      Thank you, Jules!! And thank you for all of your encouragement! ❤️

      August 12, 2016 at 9:36 am
  • Reply Katie

    Hugs to you! So happy you wrote this <3 I too have a hard time seeing photos of myself or looking at my body in a mirror- I don't even have one in my house that I can see my body in. The post partum weight loss is a constant struggle for me. Hang in there, you got this!

    August 12, 2016 at 10:20 am
    • Reply Tarynn Playle

      Thank you so much Katie! I have one full length mirror in my room and I tend to avoid it at all cost.

      August 12, 2016 at 10:20 am
  • Reply Tiffany

    Thank you for sharing this as I’m sure SO many moms out there can relate to exactly what you’ve described. You are a fantastic and strong woman and I think you’re doing this for all the right reasons. I wish you all the best! You can do this!

    August 12, 2016 at 4:35 pm
  • Reply Alana

    I can only imagine the pain you get from your scoliosis and I understand the lack of motivation to lose weight. This is such a well written, thoughtful, honest post! Very brave and very well done ❤️

    August 12, 2016 at 4:43 pm
    • Reply Tarynn Playle

      Thank you Alana! It wasn’t easy to post. ❤️

      August 12, 2016 at 4:55 pm
  • Reply Emily

    Wow, good for you! It’s not easy to open up about our fears and insecurities. You sound like a very strong person! I can relate when you say it’s “all in your head”. My self talk is not always positive. It’s something I also need to work on. Take care.

    August 14, 2016 at 9:24 pm
    • Reply Tarynn Playle

      Thank you so much Emily! It definitely was not easy! Self talk is so important. We tend to believe what we tell ourselves, it has to be positive, because we are amazing! Thank you so much for reading! ❤️

      August 14, 2016 at 9:36 pm
  • Reply Lauren

    It is hard enough to try and stay healthy with everything that we have going on already as moms, but to feel like your own body is battling against you must make it 100 times more difficult! I have always thought you looked amazing but can understand that we are more difficult on ourselves. Kudos to you for sharing what must have been a tough post to write!

    August 15, 2016 at 8:45 am
    • Reply Tarynn Playle

      Thank you Lauren! It definitely was not easy to push publish, that’s for sure! ☺️

      August 15, 2016 at 9:03 am
  • Reply Cassie

    I have scoliosis as well, but not so bad. When it was discovered I was told that exercise was actually good for it and I should stay active. I have struggled with my body image for a long time. When I was in high school I was too skinny, but my mom also controlled what I ate. Now, after nursing school and 1 child, I have extra weight and stretch marks. I would love to wear clothes and actually feel comfortable, but the thing is it doesn’t matter what I am wearing I always see my stomach and fat. I am trying to workout and lose the weight but I am struggling. I hope I can get better! Good luck and great post!

    September 19, 2016 at 1:56 pm
    • Reply Tarynn Playle

      Thank you for sharing, Cassie. It’s so hard to get motivated to lose weight. But once you’re consistent and you notice even small changes, that’s where the motivation really kicks in!! And you have got to know, you’re amazing!! Nursing school and a child? You can do this!! Thank you for reading!!

      September 19, 2016 at 2:04 pm
  • Reply Amy

    I’m sorry this has been such a struggle for you.
    I ‘ve been off from work since early May, and I just went back this week. I’m wearing the same clothes I was wearing in May, and they’re tight. 🙁 I’m sure my weight has been slowly creeping up over the past few years, and I’ve finally had a similar realization about the importance of my health. Good luck to both of us! 😉

    September 22, 2016 at 4:21 pm
  • Reply Anneke

    I have struggled with certain body issues for my entire life, as well. I finally faced my demons and became a trainer and a health coach. I would love to support your weight loss goals, and I am among a team of supporters. I am not selling a service, I just love that you were honest enough to share this, and I would like to share my path with you. Send me an e-mail if you are interested, I would love to chat with you. (By the way, I am on your site looking for ideas to improve my own, and yours has a lot of the style I am looking at for inspiration).

    October 15, 2016 at 11:05 pm
  • Reply Emily

    I just came across your blog when searching about pregnancy with moderate/severe scoliosis. I cannot tell you how comforting it is to me to read your posts. I also found out I had scoliosis at 11, and also like you, I never, ever want to have surgery. I am 34 now and I still struggle daily with exactly what you have described here – feeling as though no matter how fit I am, I will never look good. As a teenager, I imagined that I would come to terms with my body in my adulthood, but that hasn’t been the case for me. I also want to have a child as soon as possible, and among the other challenges I face around that, I worry about what it means to be pregnant with scoliosis. Reading your posts about your experience with pregnancy gives me hope. I am in tears as I write this. I admire the courage it took for you to share your story, and I am so thankful.

    June 13, 2017 at 2:33 pm
    • Reply Tarynn Playle

      Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I’m so glad my post was helpful. As you probably know, it is difficult sometimes to talk about Scoliosis. Especially to people that have no idea what we’re going through. I wish you the very best of luck in your journey. Remember, you are not alone. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

      June 14, 2017 at 12:51 pm

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