After Baby Filter

When you have a baby, it’s hard to decipher what is appropriate to share when someone asks “So, how are things going?” Or “How did the labor and delivery go?”

Do they actually want to know, or are they just being nice? Do they want to know that you were in labor for 37 hours? And do they want to know it took the doc over an hour to stitch you up? Or do they just want to hear that baby came out happy and healthy?Do you have an after baby filter, or do you tend to share all of the gory details?

Most likely, they just want to know that you had a baby and now you’re home.

It’s even more confusing when you add the postpartom hormones, along with the pain meds I definitely will be on you may be on. Those two together in particular make it really hard to find your after baby filter.

So now, at 22 weeks pregnant, I’m beginning to mentally prepare my filter. I remember with my first two, I answered all the questions people had with tmi honesty. You can read about my first birth here, and my second birth here.

I never even realized I was oversharing. Sure, I kept it together and refrained from telling my complete birth story to my big brother, but he was about it, (You’re welcome, Q).

I’d also like to mention something that all of us mamas are likely guilty of that we should reconsider in the future. Do not tell an expecting mama your birth story.

They have a baby growing in their body that has to come out somehow. That thought alone, is terrifying.

If you tell them your extensive, painful, gory birth story, do you think that would be helpful for their state of mind?

I can answer that for you right now.

No. It is not helpful. I did not enjoy hearing birth stories when I was just days away from delivery. I was already scared out of my mind and not a single birth story was helpful…well, except for my mom’s. She had 3 kids and every single one of us came out fast and relatively speaking, lower on the pain scale. But even that one gave me unrealistic expectations for my births. Turns out, my mom is the only person who had those types of deliveries and EVERYBODY ELSE has a different form of a horror story.

There is always an exception to every rule. You may get a visit from your closest friend who is seasoned in the birthing thing and she may WANT to hear every detail. If that’s the case, let if flow.

And I also want to point out here, that when I am talking about having an after baby filter, I mean for most people you’ll talk to. But know this, because it is very, very important. You must find your tribe of mamas who you can get down to every single gritty detail so you can vent and heal from the experience. If you don’t have your own tribe, shoot me an email if you want to chat (mamabyfire@gmail.com). Seriously. Because we ALLLLL need to (and deserve to) get it all out.

But, as it is, I will do my best to imagine I’m talking to my brother if you ask how things went. And I’ll limit my birth story to a detailed blog post yet to come in May/June of 2018. 😉

January 24, 2018
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1 Comment

  • Reply PAMELA RUDEE

    Even though my experience giving birth was easy (especially you!) I finally realized the best thing to say is “the experience is different for everyone” and listen . . . . .

    January 24, 2018 at 9:08 am
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